I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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