So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
