last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
