This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
