3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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