Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
