i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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