So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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