Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
