Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
