I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize