Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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