Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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