I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
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Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
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ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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