Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Randomize
