I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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