some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
