idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
