I looked at my own cervix.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
