It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
After tacos, we're chasing women.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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