If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
