i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
