high people should be assigned attendants
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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