we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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