Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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