Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize