so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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