YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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