It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
