I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He passed out mid-signature
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
True college students do jello shots in the library
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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