im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.