So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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