Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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