On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
