Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
