my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
