Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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