i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
