Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
