My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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