4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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