and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Four minutes until I can fart!
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
