She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
