It's Friday. Sex?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
