I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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