i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
