i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
