Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
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when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
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She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
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