Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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