"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
