she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
