sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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