so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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