What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.