Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
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i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
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I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Drake has all the answers
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay