I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
