she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
