you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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