i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
it was like eating out sand paper
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
