I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
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