trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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