The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
