the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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