remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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